


Time To Be Us

by Rakshi



Series: Time Series [2]
Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-22
Updated: 2011-11-22
Packaged: 2017-10-26 10:34:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/282046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rakshi/pseuds/Rakshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After 10 years they're finally trying to begin a life together.. but can they?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time To Be Us

_Who can say  
where the road goes  
where the day flows  
only time  
And who can say  
if your love grows  
as your heart chose  
only time  
Who can say  
why your heart sighs  
as your love flies  
only time  
And who can say  
why your heart cries  
when your love lies  
only time_

 _Who can say  
when the roads meet  
that love might be  
in your heart  
And who can say  
when the day sleeps  
if the night keeps  
all your heart_

 _Night keeps all your heart_

 _Who can say  
if your love grows  
as your heart chose  
only time  
And who can say  
where the road goes  
where the day flows  
only time_

 _Who knows - only time  
Who knows - only time_

 _Enya - Only Time_

\- Time To Be Us -

Elijah opened the door and walked into the hall. "Sean!" he called. "I'm home!" He shifted the box he held in his left hand and shrugged out of his jacket, draping it over the coat rack that stood just inside his door. He inhaled deeply and smiled.

Wonderful smells floated to him from the direction of the kitchen and right behind them followed a deeply loved voice: "Hi, baby! 'Bout time you got back!"

"He's cooking!" Elijah thought happily. He shook his head and was headed toward the kitchen when Sean appeared in the doorway smiling from ear to ear.

Elijah walked to him, hiding the box behind his back. "Hey you," he said softly, leaning against Sean's chest and pressing their foreheads together. "What do I smell in there?"

Two strong arms crept around his waist and tugged, drawing him even closer. Elijah gasped quietly. He saw the hazel eyes crinkle and knew that Sean was grinning even before he leaned back to look.

"Yeah, yeah," Elijah fake-griped. "I know you know you turn me on. So? Big deal. Maybe a lot of things turn me on. Ever think of that?" He looked up at Sean, mugging. "Hmmm?"

Sean looked at him without saying a word. He leaned slowly down and pressed his lips against Elijah's forehead. "Nope. Never thought of that," he murmured against Elijah's skin. "Tell you what I did think of though." He leaned back, rocking Elijah's body slightly against his own.

"What might that be?" Elijah queried.

"I thought of asking you what the hell you're hiding behind your back!" He made a half-hearted attempt to grab the box from Elijah, who ducked away laughing. "Oh, no, Astin! No way! After breakfast. Not before!"

"Well then, Mr. Frodo. If you'll kindly step this way, sir." He stepped aside and waved Elijah into the kitchen. His voice had softened into Sam's accent, and Elijah felt his heart melt. He walked past Sean into the kitchen, reaching to touch Sean's arm as he passed. Sean caught Elijah's hand in his and raised it to his lips, watching Elijah's expression.

The kitchen was filled with roses. There were roses in vases sitting on the countertops, roses of every color and hue were scattered everywhere, rose petals were strewn over the kitchen floor and table, and one perfect red rose lay like an offering on Elijah's plate.

Elijah's right hand covered his mouth, stifling his gasp of surprise and amazement. His sat the box down and stared around him, finally turning slowly to regard Sean with shining eyes. "How?" He had only been gone for a half-hour or so, and when he left the kitchen had been bereft of blossoms.

Sean shrugged. "I told them when to deliver. My only problem was getting rid of you at the right time." He guided Elijah to the kitchen table.

"Sit," he murmured, pulling out Elijah's chair. Elijah sank into it gratefully. He pulled on Sean's hand, drawing him close until he leaned over Elijah smiling. "Thank you," Elijah breathed. "I don't deserve this."

"No," Sean told him quietly. "You deserve a lot more than this. But I’m just getting started." He picked up the rose from Elijah's plate and brushed it across his forehead and down his cheek. Then he leaned forward and pressed his lips against Elijah's mouth in the most tender of kisses. Elijah's hands clenched in Sean's hair, holding the kiss for as long as he could. Then Sean placed the rose in a long, slender vase, and picked up Elijah's plate. "You hungry, hobbit?" he asked with a grin.

Elijah grinned back. "Hobbits are always hungry. " He watched Sean fill his plate and then carry it back to the table. He sat it down in front of Elijah who stared at it licking his lips. Scrambled eggs, crisp bacon, wheat toast, and a bright strawberry all rested on Elijah's plate.

Sean was filling his own plate, which he carried back to the table. He sat down next to Elijah and looked at him.

"It's beautiful, Sean," Elijah told him, happily.

"It's nothing fancy," Sean murmured, shrugging. "Just plain stuff from a plain guy."

Elijah's eyes narrowed. Sean's tone was self-deprecating and Elijah didn't like it. "There's nothing 'plain' about you," he assured Sean, reaching for his hand. "You're the rarest human being I've ever known."

Sean smiled at him. "Thanks, Doodle."

Elijah wasn't satisfied that he had been believed, but he let it go and turned to the breakfast Sean had made them.

After a few minutes of quiet eating Sean's head tilted toward the counter behind them. "What's in the box?"

"Oh!" Elijah exclaimed excitedly. He stood up, grabbed the box, and then went to a cupboard for a plate. Returning to the table, he sat the plate down and began filling it with items from the box. "Just for you, Mr. Plain Sean Astin." Elijah quipped. "French pastry from Le Rendez-Vous des Belges! only one of the coolest cafes on the left bank!"

He heaped the plate with some of the most beautiful and enticing pastries imaginable. "Wow!" Sean laughed. "Prettiest damn food I've ever seen!"

He reached for something covered in chocolate but Elijah grabbed his hand. "After breakfast, mister!"

Sean shoved a bite of scrambled eggs in his mouth, chewed hurriedly, and threw down his fork. "Mmm! Delicious! All done now!" he exclaimed, and grabbed a pastry.

Elijah laughed out loud. "No fair! You didn't clean your plate!"

Sean took a huge bite and closed his eyes. "Oh mffy gofh," he moaned with his mouth full. He finished chewing and rolled his eyes toward Elijah. "Incredible! Better than sex!"

Elijah's mouth fell open. "Better than sex with me?" He stood up, laughing, and reached for his plate to carry it to the sink, but Sean grabbed him first and pulled him onto his lap. "C'mere, you," he growled.

Sean held him tight, quietly pressing his face into Elijah's throat, while Elijah sighed contentedly and stroked his hair. "Thought you might like those," he murmured. "You and your sweet tooth."

He leaned back and looked down at the face he loved. His fingers gently caressed the grey temples. Sean's face was luminescent as he gazed at Elijah. "I don't have sex with you," Sean said softly, his fingers caressing Elijah's cheek. "I make love to you. Big difference."

Elijah smiled.

"And nothing is better than that," Sean told him. "Nothing."

"Not even chic French pastry?" Elijah asked with a grin.

Sean scowled and shoved Elijah off his lap. "We have dishes to do." He looked around the kitchen. "And roses to distribute. Who can we give some of these to that would really love to get them?" he asked Elijah, fingering one of the blossoms that lay on the table. "Someone who doesn't usually get roses like this," he mused softly.

Elijah thought how like Sean it was to want to give the flowers away to someone who didn't often get that kind of loving attention. "Well we could start with Gabrielle I suppose," Elijah said, smiling.

Gabrielle had been Elijah's housekeeper for three years. In that time she had come to see him as something of a surrogate son, a situation that left Elijah's usually quiet home crackling with tension whenever Elijah's real mother visited. Gabrielle knew about Sean long before he and Elijah reconciled. She had watched Sean with an eagle's eye during the past few days, and Sean wasn't yet sure whether or not he had passed muster.

"Gabrielle," Sean mused, still fingering a blossom. "Yeah. Gabrielle." He looked at Elijah and grinned. "Maybe if I drown her in roses she'll quit watching me like she's convinced I'm going to start yanking your fingernails out any second."

Elijah shoved the last of the dishes into the dishwasher and turned it on. As its low-pitched hum filled the room, he turned to Sean with a shrug. "I’m telling her today that we're leaving. I don't expect your stock is going to go up any when she gets that news."

Sean sighed. "No. I don't imagine it will."

Elijah took Sean’s hand and led him into the living room and onto the couch. For a moment they simply sat staring at each other, then moved as one to hold each other close.

"God," Sean breathed. "God in heaven, how I love to hold you."

Elijah’s breath was trembling in his chest and he said nothing. But his arms tightened in response to Sean’s breathless comment and his lips pressed hard against Sean’s face.

After a moment their embrace loosened, though they continued to hold each other. Elijah leaned his head against Sean's shoulder and sighed deeply. The past week had passed in a blur. It was days before they even left the house. Elijah had called Gabrielle and given her extra days off with pay. They wanted no one around. The years that had passed since they'd last been together had left them hungering and parched. Only the taste and feel of each other's bodies could satisfy them.

They had made plans, tentative ones at this point. The only concrete decision was that Elijah was going back to the United States with Sean. Once there, they would inform their families of their decision to build a life together at long last. Starting with Sean's two teenage daughters.

Sean had called Ally to explain that he was staying in Paris longer than expected and when he mentioned that he had gotten in touch with Elijah, his 20 year old daughter seemed delighted.

"My god, Dad," she squealed, and Sean could see her bouncing from 3000 miles away. "You saw Uncle Lijah? Did he die of shock? Where is he? Are you with him now? I want to say 'Hi'! Oh my god, daddy, I can't believe you did this!"

Sean had waited for an opening in between excited questions when he could attempt an answer. "Ally," he said repeatedly, trying, to no avail, to get his daughter's attention. "Alexandra!" he finally said firmly.

"You say something, dad?" she asked with a giggle, sending her impertinent 'Astin' grin singing straight through the line to Sean's ear.

"Well, I've been trying to," Sean laughed. "And to answer your eight million questions…he didn't die of shock, he's not here just now though I am at his house, and he's just fine."

"Well, tell him hello for me when he gets back. OK, daddy?"

Sean started to respond but stopped when he heard Ally murmuring to someone in the background. Then he heard Chris's high, light laughter.

His daughter giggled too, and Sean heard, "Oh, mom, don't be silly. Of course daddy's coming back." Her voice strengthened as she turned back to the phone. "You are coming back, right dad?"

"In two weeks," Sean said smoothly, shaking his head at Chris's suggestion. "I'll call with more info when I get it."

Ally asked several times to be remembered to Elijah, and Sean assured her he would do so.

Sean had hung up the phone and sighed heavily. Why hadn't he told Ally the truth? Why hadn't he told her that Elijah was coming back with him and that they'd be together from then on? The answer Sean gave himself both mocked and perplexed him: he was afraid.

Not afraid of Ally's reaction. Not afraid that Elijah's promise to share his life was insincere. But afraid of the future. Afraid of it in a way he'd never experienced before. He remembered the 10 years he and Elijah had been apart. The withering loneliness he experienced then had nearly destroyed him. Sean thought of those years as 'the empty time'.

Years of looking yearningly at Elijah's picture when he felt the loneliness consuming him. Years of finding a place to cry alone on Elijah's birthday. Years of refusing interviews about the 'Lord of the Rings' phenomenon because he knew he'd have to speak of the fellowship, the Hobbits, the bond they shared, and Elijah. Years of trying not to watch TV when he knew Elijah would be making one of his rare appearances only to fail time and time again. Unable to bear seeing him, unable to bear the thought of not seeing him, he would finally succumb to his need and race to the TV, only to feel his heart break anew when Elijah's face appeared before his eyes.

Years of trying to please Chris and give her the happiness he knew she deserved, only to bite his lip in the night when they made love to keep from crying out the name that lived, and breathed, and walked in his heart. They made love less and less as time went on. It became forced – a mandatory obligation that brought pleasure and satisfaction to neither of them. Finally, Sean quietly moved his things into the spare room, knowing full well that, despite his best efforts, Chris knew.

She watched Sean turn down choice acting parts until finally there were no more offers. She took on more and more responsibility for their Lava operations as Sean became more and more distant from them. As distant as he was from her. Oh, he was there physically. He responded to the girls. He played host for family events. But the engaging, dynamic man she once knew had drifted away. She watched helplessly as a dark spirit seemed to slowly consume her husband. And, she knew that, like Rosie Cotton, she was married to a man whose heart and soul were bound to another.

She thought occasionally of contacting Elijah, sure that he was unaware of Sean's anguish. But she couldn't quite bring herself to do it. Sean had made his choice. He'd told her this years ago. But Chris knew the man she married. And she knew his choice had not been made with his own happiness and well being in mind. Or Elijah's. He stayed for Ally and Lizzy. She knew that he'd given up the one great love of his life to do what he believed was right for their children.

But the girls were older now. Ally was a freshman at Sean's old alma mater and Liz was a precocious 12 year old. Chris had honored Sean's decision and respected his wishes. But finally it grew too painful for her to bear any longer. Sean hadn't slept in their bed in years. He was becoming more remote every day, even from the girls. She had to do something. He was a good, decent man who had done his best. He didn't deserve to live this way. And neither did she.

So one morning just a few days before Ally's 18th birthday, she stared at her husband of 20-plus years over their morning coffee and told him she wanted a divorce.

Chris would never forget the look on his face. Stunned surprise was almost immediately replaced by an look of almost awed realization. She thought of a scene from an old move. For a moment she searched her mind for the title, then it hit her: 'ET - the Extraterrestrial She remembered his heart lighting from within. And Sean had that same glow. As though suddenly his heart had been illuminated from within. And she knew he wasn't thinking about the long years of their marriage and the memories it held for him. He was thinking about Elijah Wood. Chris turned away and never looked back.

After he and Chris separated, Sean yearned to contact Elijah, but their circumstances were so different now that he hovered... mired in uncertainty. He was living in a small apartment, working quietly directing educational television. The divorce settlement, at Sean's insistence, had given Chris nearly everything. Sean would have to approach Elijah, hat in hand, with nothing to offer except himself, and he shrank from the thought with every fiber of his being. He lived his life steeped in a terrible sadness. It seemed that nearly everything he'd ever loved was gone.

The sadness haunted him, raising the specter of the manic-depressive cycles that had tormented his mother. Repeated examinations by both medical and psychiatric physicians had finally assured him that he was not suffering her fate. But Sean knew that he would always be susceptible to clinical depression, and though he steadfastly refused to take psychiatric drugs, he monitored his moods carefully.

Until he saw Elijah on the Academy Awards program, he'd surrendered any hope of ever being with him again. But when Elijah's face appeared on the television that night to accept his Oscar, Sean fell to his knees in front of the screen and reached out with trembling fingers to touch the image of the face he still adored. Elijah smiled and said his thanks, but Sean knew him better than anyone else on Earth, and he could see that the smile was a deceptive covering. A false front to deceive the onlookers. The same sadness that haunted Sean was reflected in Elijah's still-beautiful eyes. The thought struck Sean with a terrible force that perhaps Elijah was as lonely as he, and he knelt before his television set, weeping, until Elijah walked off the stage. He knew at that moment that the sadness that shadowed his spirit didn't flow from a genetic fault. It flowed from a broken heart. He booked a flight to Paris the next day.

And now that they were finally making plans to begin the life together that they both always wanted, Sean was nearly paralyzed with fear about their future. His inner demons never stopped tormenting him. He was terrified he would do something that would cause Elijah to leave him, and even more terrified of the effect this would have on him. The idea of going back to the bitterly lonely life he'd lived before they reconciled filled him with terror. As much as he yearned for the life they were planning, each step he took in that direction also brought him closer to the time when those fears could be realized.

Elijah knew nothing of this, though he had noticed that occasionally Sean became quiet and withdrawn for no apparent reason. Elijah was usually able to tease or kiss him out of it, but it still worried him.

And now, as he pressed his face against Sean's shoulder, he wondered about that life that lay ahead of them, and he leaned back abruptly.

"Sean, listen," he said, catching Sean's hand in his. "I called my agency yesterday and told them not to offer me any new roles. I told them that my career is on indefinite hold, and that they are to refuse any offers that come my way until I say otherwise."

Sean frowned and captured Elijah's hands with both of his. "Jesus, baby. Are you sure you want to do that? You know how Hollywood can be. You disappear for a few years, and then just try getting back into the loop. I mean, just look at me!" His frown morphed into a grin as he teased about his floundering career as an actor.

"You could get roles if you wanted them," Elijah challenge softly. "And, yes. I’m sure. God, Sean, it's not like we have to worry about money."

Sean started to speak, but Elijah never even slowed down. "I want to be with you. I want to do things with you. I want to be an extension of your body for the next year or so. Make up for lost time. Then… we'll see about going back to work. Maybe you could direct me in something if we find a good enough property."

Sean sighed. "Lij, listen to me… "

"No, Sean," he countered firmly. "I simply won't allow us to be parted again. End of story."

Sean shook his head with a half-smile. He knew they had to discuss this further; there were things Elijah simply didn't understand. "Elijah, please…" he began. "There are things I need to tell you."

Elijah's head shook firmly. "Not today, lover. Today we don't do serious. I've done enough serious."

He turned and started to rise, thinking he'd get them more coffee.  
But Sean grinned and pulled Elijah back into his arms from behind, nuzzling the back of his neck. "Grrrrr!" he growled. "I love it when you're all feisty and making bossy noises."

Elijah giggled and dug backwards with his elbow into Sean's ribs. "Don't go all grabby on me, you wanker!"

"Ooof!" Sean exhaled as Elijah nailed his ribs soundly and bolted toward the dining room. "Hey, brat! What you think you're doing? You have to be gentle with old people! They bruise!"

Elijah walked backward fingers waggling in his ears, making faces at Sean as he backed toward the dining room.

"NINE year old!" Sean roared to the ceiling. "God help me, I'm in love with a nine year old!"

Elijah laughed and crooked his finger, beckoning. "C'mon, Seanwise. Come help me with these roses. They'll die if we don't get them into some water soon."

Sean rose and followed Elijah into the kitchen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gabrielle slammed Sean's breakfast plate down in front of him and poured so much coffee into his cup that it slopped over into the saucer. Sean eyed his bouncing eggs, underdone bacon and dripping coffee cup and smiled sweetly. "Thank you, Gabrielle. It looks delicious."

Elijah barely managed to restrain himself until she huffed out of the room before he burst into uncontrollable giggles. "Can you tell that I've broken the news to her?"

Sean eyed him and pointed to his runny eggs. "Yeah," he drawled dryly. "I can tell."

Elijah snickered again and moved next to Sean, offering him food from his plate of perfectly-done eggs.

"Someone needs to tell her that starving me won't get you to stay," Sean said, grinning at Elijah as he grabbed a forkful of food from his plate.

Elijah absently brushed a crumb of toast from Sean's face. "She'll be OK. It's just.. sudden I guess." He shrugged and lowered his head to eat, but Sean saw the sadness in his eyes. He was giving up a lot to follow Sean across the sea. He'd been very much a loner since coming here, and Gabrielle had been one of the few friends he trusted.

"Does she have family?" Sean asked softly.

"Oh, just an aunt in Rouen, I believe."

Sean reached out and took Elijah's fork away from him. "Go in there and ask her if she'd like to live in the USA."

Elijah's eyes opened wide, clearly astounded. "Are you sure?"

Sean shrugged and began eating from Elijah's plate in earnest. "Go," he mumbled around a mouthful of eggs, gesturing with Elijah's fork. "Go ask. Can't hurt. And if she says 'yes' I might actually get off her shit list."

Elijah bounded into the kitchen. "Not to mention I might get some decent food now and then," Sean grumbled, shaking his head.

Suddenly a delighted feminine shriek floated to him from the kitchen, and Sean could hear Elijah laughing and talking excitedly. He smiled slowly, and stuffed his mouth with a forkful of his lover's perfectly-done eggs.

Elijah re-entered the dining room with a blushing Gabrielle right behind him. He pointed at Sean. "Mr. Sean insists that you come with us, Gabby. If that's OK with you, that is." He turned to Sean and winked.

Gabrielle's hands were clasped in front of her and her head was down. It was obvious that she was deeply affected by their offer to take her along. Sean suddenly noticed that her hands were shaking, and realized that she really was old enough to be Elijah's mother. He felt suddenly ashamed of himself for not thinking of this sooner.

"Please Gabrielle," he pleaded softly, offering his hand. "Please come with us. It's so important to me that Elijah always have the best. And I don't know if I can manage that without your help."

She smiled at him and reached out to take his hand in hers. "Thank you, Mr. Sean. I think maybe Mr. Elijah already has the best. But I would be pleased to come to the United States and take care of both of you."

Elijah grabbed her and spun her in a circle. "Wheeee!" he squealed. "Get your passport in order, Gabby, and start packing. We leave in less than two weeks."

Sean watched them, his eyes slanting in a gentle smile. 'Two weeks,' he thought. 'Oh, Jesus. We leave in less than two weeks.' He felt a stab of fear twist his stomach, and stood up suddenly. "Gonna take my coffee to the living room, Lij," he said quietly.

Elijah nodded, and watched him walk away. He had seen the light suddenly disappear from Sean's eyes, and he was determined to find out where it had gone.

"Gabby," he said, smiling at an obviously ecstatic Gabrielle. "Would you move in here to supervise the packing once your own affairs are in order?"

Elijah was closing the Paris house, not selling it. At least not right away. It was a valuable property, and he and Sean had discussed keeping it as a rental, or simply as a home abroad when they wanted to get away. Now that Gabrielle was going with them, they'd have to be sure that any home they bought or rented had extra bedrooms, at least for awhile.

Elijah and Gabrielle discussed moving plans for a moment, and then Elijah wheeled to follow Sean into the living room.

He was sitting on the couch, his coffee cup perched on the table next to him. He smiled when he saw Elijah approach.

"She's going to oversee the packing once she gets her own affairs ready," Elijah told Sean as he flopped down on the couch.

Sean nodded and sipped his coffee. 'That's great, Lij," he murmured.

Elijah suddenly sat up and took Sean's cup away from him. He sat it on the table, then turned and threw his arms around Sean's neck. "Thank you," he whispered in a tremulous voice. "She's in the kitchen crying for joy. And, I'm sure, saying 15 novenas blessing your name in perpetuity."

Sean winked at him. "So… no more runny eggs and raw bacon?"

Elijah laughed and kissed him gently. "My guess would be that you'll be on the receiving end of the royal treatment for as long as you live."

Sean shook his head. "I'm a jerk for not thinking of it sooner. It's obvious she loves you." He was silent for a moment, then whispered, "How could I not have considered how much it would hurt her to see you go away?"

He was silent for a moment and Elijah saw his eyes darken. "Sean? What's wrong, babe?"

Sean shrugged and twisted his head. His eyes were dark with pain. "I don't know. Nothing. I'm fine." He looked at Elijah and his breath caught in his throat. Then his arms were around Elijah's body holding him, moaning softly.

"Sean?" Elijah breathed, his voice shaking. "What's wrong?"

Sean didn't answer. He buried his face against Elijah's shoulder and locked his arms, crushing their bodies together. "Lij," he choked. "Lij, please."

Elijah smoothed his hair and tried to keep his voice calm. "Sean, love. What's wrong? Talk to me. Please."

"Lij," Sean choked again, burrowing his face into Elijah's neck. "I… love you."

Elijah tore himself out of Sean's embrace and stood up. He grabbed Sean's hand and pulled him to his feet. "Come with me," he mumbled. He pulled an unresisting Sean upstairs to their bedroom and, after stopping to close and lock the door, pushed Sean down on the bed.

In a split second he was on the bed beside Sean, pulling him into his arms drawing Sean's head to his shoulder. "OK, now," Elijah breathed into his ear. "We're going to talk this out now, Astin. You and me. Right here and now."

Sean turned his face into Elijah's body and, once again, held him with all of his strength. Low, soft moans were pouring from his throat intermingled with choked attempts to say Elijah's name.

Elijah understood immediately. Talk was not what Sean needed. At least not yet. Elijah returned his embrace, holding Sean to him fiercely, digging his fingers into Sean's back, less concerned with being gentle than with Sean feeling him near.

"Shhh," Elijah crooned. "I'm here, Sean. I'm right here and I'm never going to leave you."

Sean's head lifted. His eyes, when he looked into Elijah's, were filled with anguish. "You won't?" he whispered, his voice smothered.

Elijah stared at him, his brow furrowed. "How can you ask that? How could you even think such a thing?" He sat up on the bed and pulled at Sean's arm. "Sit up," he demanded. "Sit up and talk to me."

Sean pulled himself upright and squinted at Elijah apprehensively. "I'm sorry, Lij."

"What's wrong?" Elijah demanded again. "Why would you ask that? How could you think I'd leave you? Jesus, Sean! After ten years of loneliness and pain I finally get you back and you think I'd leave you?"

"I'm so scared of it, Lij," Sean said in a low voice. "I'm so terrified of going back to the way I felt all those years when you were gone. If I lost you again… " his voice trailed off and he dropped his eyes. Elijah reached out and put his hand on Sean's shoulder, and Sean's eyes lifted to meet his. "I don't think I could bear it, Lij. I honestly don't."

"Do you think I could?" Elijah asked heatedly. "Jesus, Sean, you're not the only one who suffered. You're not the only one who knows about loneliness."

Sean reached to embrace him, pulling Elijah against his body. "Stay close to me, baby," he murmured. "Please, stay in my arms."

Elijah's arms wound around his neck. "Hold me," he whimpered. "Sean, hold me tighter. Tighter!"

Sean's arms locked around Elijah's body, crushing them together. For a long time they lay on the bed holding each other close. Both of them were shaking and on the verge of tears.

Elijah took a deep breath and pressed his mouth against Sean's ear. "We," he said in a rough whisper, "are a fucking mess."

Sean burst into laughter in spite of himself. He lowered his head and pressed his face against Elijah's chest, shoulders shaking.

Elijah pushed him onto his back and straddled his body. He grabbed Sean's wrists and forced them over his head as he leaned toward Sean's face. "Couple of fucking drama queens," he spouted. "And not in a good way either."

Sean sighed. "Lij, I’m sorry," he began, but Elijah interrupted him.

"No. No. Enough with the sorry shit!"

Sean squinted up at him.

"We," Elijah said forcefully, "are two very lucky people. As classically stupid as we were behaving, we could have gone the rest of our miserable lives and never gotten back together."

Sean nodded. "This is true."

"But we did get back together," Elijah said, bending down to within an inch of Sean's nose.

Sean smiled. "Yes," he said softly. "We did. Thank god."

Elijah bent lower and brushed his lips against Sean's. "Then would you kindly tell me why we're acting like this?"

Sean nodded. "Kind of angsty around here."

Elijah leaned over him, still holding his wrists. "We've given new meaning to the word."

Sean pressed his lips together as if pondering. "I'd say several new meanings." He sighed. "I'm sor…. "

Elijah's eyebrows rose dangerously.

"Nope," Sean said quickly. "No. Not sorr.. uh.. that word. I'm not. No way. Not me. Nooooo."

"No more 'I'm sorrys'," Elijah said, bouncing on Sean's abdomen. "No more. You've said it. I've said it. That's it."

"Ooof!" Sean grunted. "Elijah! Stop! Damn!"

Elijah stopped bouncing. He leaned closer to Sean. "The past is behind us. From now on it's happy talk only." He kissed Sean, capturing his lower lip between his teeth. "Or sexy talk," he murmured. "That's allowed too."

"That's big of ya," Sean said with a grin.

"I aim to please," Elijah said, grinning back.

"There is one thing, though, Lij," Sean said quietly. "One thing we do need to talk about."

"What?" Elijah yelped, raising his eyes toward the ceiling. "What?" He bent over Sean and pressed his wrists even harder into the mattress. "It had better be good, Astin, or…"

Sean glanced up at his wrists, held captive by Elijah. "You learn some new, kinky techniques in the past ten years?" he teased.

Elijah laughed and released Sean's wrists. He fell forward onto his chest and kissed him softly. "You're suggesting that I had OLD kinky techniques," he murmured against Sean's lips.

Sean responded with a quiet scowl. "About this thing…"

"Yes, yes," Elijah sighed. "What is this 'thing' that can't wait."

"I don't have a lot of money, Elijah," Sean said softly, his hands moving up and down Elijah's spine. "I can't… I mean, I don't…" He sighed. "I gave a lot to Chris in the divorce."

Elijah sat up again. He raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"For the girls, you know," Sean said, shrugging apologetically. "College and all."

Elijah nodded. "And… " he encouraged, obviously expecting more.

Sean shrugged. "That's it. That's what I wanted to tell you."

"That you don't have a lot of money," Elijah said quietly.

"Right," Sean said, nodding his head. He grabbed Elijah's arms and tried to pull him back down onto his chest, but Elijah wouldn't budge.

"And you thought this would matter to me?" Elijah queried hotly.

Sean smiled. "God, you're feisty today!" He grabbed Elijah's arms more firmly and pulled until his head was once again against Sean's chest. "No," he murmured into Elijah's ear, his arms tightening. "I did not think it would matter to you. I simply thought that you had a right to know."

"Well, as it happens," Elijah muttered. "I do have money. So I don't see the problem."

Sean smiled. "Yes, well, I felt sure you wouldn't. However we ARE going to draw up some kind of financial agreement before we start buying houses and such."

Elijah's head lifted quickly, eyes blazing, obviously looking for a fight. "Oh no we're not!"

Sean laughed and shook his head. "Oh, yes, we are, Elwood! So just swallow it down like a big boy."

Elijah stared at him. "How could you think we needed such a thing?"

"I don't think we need it. In fact I have so much faith that we don't need it that it's no big deal that we have it."

Elijah was silent.

"Baby, it's for your protection, and I insist on it. It's important to my peace of mind that everything concerning our finances be clear from the get go."

Elijah pondered this, eyes squinting down at Sean. "I think I've just been had," he announced finally.

Sean pulled him close and licked a long, slow path from Elijah's throat to his chin. "If you think that means you've been had, you're going to love what I have in store for you next."

The phone next to the bed rang suddenly. Elijah scowled and stretched his arm to reach it, then settled back down onto Sean's chest. "Hullo," he murmured, somewhat lazily, his fingers reaching for Sean's hair.

He listened for two seconds, then bolted upright, scrambling off Sean to stand by the side of the bed. "Oh! Hi! How are you? My god! I can't believe I'm talking to you!"

"What the hell?" Sean asked with a half grin. "What's this? An old boyfriend?"

Elijah covered the receiver and glowered at him. "Shhhh! It's Ally! Don't say stuff like that!"

Sean smiled and shook his head. "Tell her I already said 'Hi' for her."

"Ally?" Elijah said softly. "He's right here. Oh, no! No! You weren't interrupting, honey. We were just… just… uh.. " he looked at Sean, panic-stricken.

Sean burst out laughing and held out his hand for the phone.

"I'll give you to your dad, little hobbit," Elijah said, using his old nickname for Ally.

"No?" Silence. "You do, huh?" He turned and stuck his tongue out at Sean. "She wants to talk to ME! So… just… neener!"

"Like I care." Sean mumbled, punching a pillow and snuggling into it. "I’m tired. And talking to her wears me out."

Elijah waved a hand at him to silence him and sat down on the bed.

For a moment there was silence as Elijah listened. "He does seem to be… uh… yeah. I see that too, honey." Silence. "God, Ally. It's so great of you to say that." Silence. "Ally, I promise you. That'll never happen if I can stop it."

Sean's eyebrows raised questioningly but Elijah ignored him. "Well, as it happens… uh… I… uh…" He turned to Sean and covered the mouthpiece. "She wants to know why I don't come back with you for a visit. What do I say?"

Sean sat up and held out his hand for the phone and Elijah relinquished it without hesitation.

"Ally? It's me, babe," Sean said, swinging his legs over the side of the bed to sit beside Elijah. "Uncle Lijah is coming back with me."

Sean listened for a moment, then held the phone out away from his ear so Elijah could hear the sound of gleeful squealing. "I think she's happy to hear it," he whispered to Elijah.

"Ally," Sean said in a low voice. "There's something else you need to know." Silence. "It's this. When Uncle Lijah and I come back, we'll be living together." Silence. "Yes. As partners." Suddenly he smiled. "Yes, as 'that' kind of partners." Silence. Sean's grin got bigger and bigger then he started laughing softly.

"What?" Elijah mouthed, hands extended, frantic to know what was being said.

"One second, baby," Sean told his daughter. "Uncle Lijah's going bat-shit here."

He turned to Elijah but kept the phone pointed so that Ally could hear every word he said. "She's giving me a very boring lecture on how she learned all about homosexuality in school, and how she knew THAT about you and I when she was seven, and how she could care less as long as you don't nuzzle me in front of her girlfriends who think you're hot and give her points for being cool because she knows you, but who would change their minds if they suspected you were in love with her very OLD and dilapidated father."

He put the phone back to his ear. "How was that?" He laughed. "No? Not accurate?" He laughed again. "Yes, yes. I'll tell him." Silence. "Thanks, baby. That means the world to me. Please don't tell Liz, OK? I want to do that myself." Silence. "OK. I'll call you later this week. Bye, honey. Oh! OK." He held the phone out to Elijah. "She wants you."

Elijah took the phone apprehensively. "Hi," he said softly. "No, honey. Neither of us thought you did." He glanced at Sean who had flopped back onto the bed and was smiling at the ceiling. "I think I’m more surprised than he is." Silence. "God, Ally. You can count on it. Always." Silence. "I guess it does," Elijah said in a choked voice.

Sean sat up quickly, alarmed by the tears in Elijah's voice.

"Thank you, baby," Elijah whispered. "We'll talk soon." Silence. "Love you too."

He hung the phone up and put his face in his hands. His throat was painfully tight. Sean's arm crept around him. "What the hell did my kid do to you?"

Elijah shook his head and turned to press his face against Sean's shoulder. "She called me her stepdad," he whispered. "She asked me to take care of you. Told me: "I approve of you and Dad, Uncle Lijah." He leaned back and looked at Sean. "You've had her pretty worried, you know."

Sean shook his head and lay back down on the bed. "I know. She nags me unmercifully."

Elijah lay back down on top of him and took Sean's face in his two hands. "Let's get one thing straight right now, Astin."

Sean grinned at him. "You keep lying on me like that and something'll get straight alright."

"Sean! I’m serious!" Elijah spouted.

"Me too!" Sean replied, wrapping his arms around Elijah's body and hugging him tight.

Elijah merely glared.

"OK. OK." Sean sighed.

"I promised that girl that I'd see that you took better care of yourself."

Sean smiled up at him. "You made a promise, Mr. Frodo?"

Elijah smiled. "I’m serious, Sean. We've spent ten years being miserable. I refuse to let fear and doubt cloud our lives now."

Sean nodded. "You're right. I've been driving myself crazy worrying about what might happen, and letting it spoil the good things that are happening."

"We just have to have faith, Seanie," Elijah whispered, leaning over Sean. "We have to have faith in each other. We have to have faith in our love for each other. I think we both lost faith during those black years. Now we have to find it again."

Sean felt his throat tighten. "Faith," he whispered. "God, I've forgotten what that feels like, Lij."

"Let's just go one day at a time," Elijah pleaded. "We'll find it again. We both have the same goals, Seanie. To live our lives together. To grow old together. There aren't any guarantees. But we both know we're committed to each other."

Sean pulled him down into a soft kiss. "And I'm so grateful, my Elijah."

Elijah kissed him back. "So am I," he murmured against Sean's lips. Then, as if remembering something, he abruptly sat up. "One other thing. You will take better care of yourself, Sean Astin. You will eat right, and sleep more, and not withdraw from the people who care about you when things bother you."

"That," Sean drawled, "was at least three other things."

Elijah took Sean's hands and pressed them against his chest, over his heart. He gazed down into Sean's hazel eyes, and watched as they slowly turned to emerald green. "You'll do that for me won't you," he whispered. "Take care of yourself."

Sean nodded and grasped Elijah's shirt, tugging him down, longing for a kiss. Elijah leaned slowly toward him and was halfway there when the intercom buzzer rang. Elijah sighed and reached to press it. "Yes, Gabby."

Gabby's voice came through the speaker: "You and Mr. Sean come to dinner now."

"Thanks, Gabby," Elijah said, grinning as Sean rolled his eyes in frustration. "We'll be right down."

Sean appealed to the ceiling. "What is this? A conspiracy?"

Elijah grabbed his hands and pulled him to his feet. "Nope. Just dinner."

They walked down the stairs with their arms around each other.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After dinner they carried their wine back up to the bedroom, and stood on Elijah's second story balcony drinking it. The night was cool and clear, and the lights of Paris sparkled in the distance. Sean turned to Elijah and lifted his glass. "To us," he murmured.

Elijah touched his glass to Sean's and sipped his wine. "To us," he repeated.

They both gazed out over the city for a moment, then Elijah sat his wine down and turned to wrap his arms around Sean's waist. Sean immediately sat his wine down too, and enveloped Elijah in his arms.

"I was thinking during dinner," Elijah said against Sean's chest.

"Always dangerous, that," Sean teased. "You thinking, I mean."

Elijah's fist gave Sean a quick poke in the ribs. "Do you wanna hear what I was thinking, you wanker?"

Sean grunted. "Easy with the poking, ring boy. I just ate about 5 pounds of prime rib."

Elijah giggled.

"But yes," Sean said, easing him back to look into his eyes. "I do want to hear what you were thinking."

Elijah's hands crept up to capture Sean's face. They stared at each other for as long as they could bear it before their mouths met in a passionate kiss, hands clutching each other, grasping clothes, hair, anything that could be used to pull the other closer.

When they broke the kiss, Sean's head was spinning. "Is that what you were thinking?" he asked, breathless.

Elijah shook his head. "No. I was thinking that both of us have lived large parts of our lives being the kind of person that someone else needed us to be. Both of us put family first and ourselves last. Both of us."

Sean nodded. "I suppose so," he replied.

"I sometimes wonder," Elijah said in a soft undertone, "if I've ever really been myself with anyone except you, and maybe the rest of the Fellowship now and then." He pressed his face against Sean's chest. "I've been an actor even when I wasn't acting."

"Promise me something, Doodle," Sean whispered against his hair. Elijah looked up questioningly.

"Promise me that you'll never 'act' with me. That's I'll always get the genuine article, even if you think I might not like it."

Elijah nodded. "Done," he murmured. "Same goes for you."

Sean nodded too. "Yes." He thought back to all the years with Chris when the deepest, most meaningful aspects of his being were never shared with anyone else. He remembered the loneliness. "That's it, you know. That's the thing that kills. Not having even one living soul who really knows you... and loves you anyway."

Elijah's arms wrapped around Sean's neck. "Well, you have that now and so do I."

Sean silenced him with another kiss, his lips parting, gently stroking Elijah's tongue with his own. He felt Elijah sag as their kiss deepened, and tightened his arms to support him. As always, he was staggered by the intensity of his body's response. One kiss was enough to leave him hard and throbbing with desire. He'd been feeling it all day. The tightness in his chest. The ache in his groin. The hunger. The yearning to touch, smell, taste, but most of all… merge.

Elijah whimpered, and the sound enflamed Sean even more. He kissed Elijah fiercely, biting at his lips, sure he was bruising them. "Jesus," Sean moaned. "I'm starved for you. Starved! You haven't made love with me in months!"

Elijah laughed out loud, the sound of pure joy. His hands clenched in Sean's hair, pulling him forward roughly. "You hungry?" he teased against Sean's lips, his voice low.

"Don't!" Sean rumbled, feeling scorching need radiate and explode inside him, taking his breath. They kissed again, their hands already tearing at their clothes, at each other's clothes, kicking shirts and jeans aside as they fell to the floor.

They staggered from the balcony to the bed with their arms around each other, and tumbled to the bed, naked and clasping each other close.

"Oh my god," Sean moaned. The feeling of Elijah's naked body against his was overwhelming. It took every ounce of his strength to hold back his climax as he felt Elijah's body moving on top of his. "Lij," he half-sobbed. "Easy, baby. Please."

Elijah began kissing his way down Sean's body. Soft, tiny kisses. Never staying long in one spot. Brushing Sean's nipples. Whispering against his navel. He drew a long breath and blew air up and down the length of Sean's hard erection. Sean cried out and reached, trying to grab Elijah. Pull him back on top of his body. His cock was aching. On fire with need. If Elijah didn't touch him there soon, he'd go mad. "Elijah!" he cried.

Elijah reached toward the table on the side of their bed and grabbed something. His body twisted as he turned onto to his back. "Now, Sean!" he cried, pressing a bottle into Sean's hand. "Now!" Elijah pleaded. "God, hurry!"

Sean smeared both of them with lube and pressed himself against Elijah's body. Elijah's hips rose to meet him. "Hard!" he cried. "Sean! Do it hard!"

Sean closed his eyes and entered him fully in one deep thrust. "Oh sweet Jesus," he moaned. Being inside Elijah's body was the most powerful sensation Sean had ever known. The chemistry between them was so rich, so electric, that this kind of intimacy kept him always on the thin edge of coming. Making love this way with Elijah was an exercise in restraint. Pulsating waves of pleasure ripped through him as he fought not to climax before Elijah had experienced the pleasure fully.

He glided upward, deep inside him, whimpering with every breath. "Oh god, ogod. You're so hot! So tight!" He fell forward onto Elijah's chest and kissed him savagely. "So tight!" he ground into Elijah's ear.

Elijah's hips bucked and arched. His teeth were clenched and his fingers dug into Sean's back. "Fuck me!" he rasped. "Sean! Sean! Fuck me hard! God I want to feel you! I want to feel you come inside me!"

Sean smiled down at Elijah and pressed himself as deeply as he could into his lover's body, filling him completely. He slowly rotated his hips, grasping Elijah's rounded buttocks to pull him even closer.

Elijah's eyes rolled back and his hands reached madly toward his own groin. But Sean batted his hand away and grasped Elijah's cock himself. He pumped it in perfect rhythm with the movement of his hips and watched as his lover's face twisted with anguished desire. Elijah was making small whimpering sounds. His hips undulated of their own volition. "God!" he cried out. "I'm coming! Oh god!!"

Sean felt hot cum spill over his hand and the sight of Elijah's face as he writhed in the anguish of his climax took away Sean's last bit of restraint. He finally abandoned himself to pleasure, and gave a great cry as his slamming thrusts of climax brought him to throbbing release.

Elijah's hands found his face and pulled him forward into a deep, hungry kiss. "I feel it," he whispered hoarsely. "I feel you coming inside me. Oh Jesus! Oh Seanie! God! God!"

Sean still felt ripples of ecstasy flooding his body. He held Elijah close, staying buried deep inside him until the spasms slowed and stopped.

When he finally moved to take his weight off Elijah, his lover stopped him. "Oh, god, don't. Please, Sean. Stay here."

Sean raised his head. "I know I’m heavy."

Elijah shook his head and drew Sean's head back to his shoulder. "No. You're not," he murmured.

Sean nestled back against Elijah's body. "You don't have to ask me twice."  
Elijah snickered. "That I know. And, hey! I never did finish telling you what I wanted to tell you."

"Well," Sean drawled. "Unless you expect somebody ELSE to call or buzz or knock at the door… we appear to have plenty of time."

Elijah's voice grew soft and low as he spoke. His fingers carded gently through Sean's brown curls. "We were the kind of people that others needed us to be. I didn't come out because I was supporting my family and it would have hurt my career. You stayed with Chris because your girls needed their father." He felt Sean nod his head, his face brushing against Elijah's chest.

"But now," Elijah said quietly. "It's time to be us. Just be who we are. We've never done that, you know. Not right out there in front of God and everyone. Just simply be ourselves. It's way overdue, Astin."

Sean nodded. "I'm up for it if you are."

"Oh, you!" Elijah teased. "You're always up for it!"

Sean giggled and bent his head to kiss Elijah's nipple, loving it when Elijah's breath caught in his throat. "Now that you mention it… "

Elijah's mouth fell open and his head arched back as Sean began to softly kiss his body. "Oh god, Sean. This is the best part of being us," Elijah gasped.

"You better believe it," Sean whispered against his skin.

\- end -


End file.
